The Truth
by Tess 4 5
Summary: Chaos and drama but romance too - sometimes the truth reveals itself completely unexpected. A short story. Plus 3 chapters ;-)
1. The Truth

**Author's usual notes and disclaimer:** I don't own any of the original characters nor the original Inspector Lynley Mysteries – they belong to Elizabeth George and the BBC. I have borrowed the characters from the TV-show and solely own the ideas of _my_ stories and the developments _I've_ let them go through.

Please write a PM if I did something terribly wrong. Thanks!

Please read and review! More thanks!

* * *

 **Author's note and summary:** Chaos and drama but romance too - sometimes the truth reveals itself completely unexpected. A short story. Enjoy...

* * *

 **.**

 **The Truth  
**

 **.**

* * *

They had come home to his house early this evening and had eaten a quick simple dinner during which he had made sure that she was drinking enough liquids. Afterwards they went into his living room with a cup of tea. Both still in the borrowed police sweat pants and T-shirts Tommy busied himself with lighting some logs in the fire place while Barbara made herself comfortable on his cosy sofa. She almost tried to vanish in one corner of it and she had her hands folded in her lap. It was going to be a long embarrassing evening, she feared. This caring man was making her completely nervous and for her liking she had been acting weird enough for tonight. She almost dared not say anything at all in case something awkward would slip her tongue.

"What now? Just wait until it stops?" Tommy asked dropping down in the other corner of his sofa and pushed another glass of water over to her. She really had to drink a lot tonight against the drug effects and against the predicted headaches so that cup of strong sweet tea would not be enough. "Or we could play a match of Scrabble. Anything you'd like, Barbara." He gave her an affectionate smile.

Barbara moved her eyes up from her cup to his face and grinned. Anything? If he would ever know what she would like... Her eyes went down to his smiling lips. He did not even know how he was tempting her, almost challenging her to give in to what she really would like to do. Suddenly a previously unknown boldness claimed her and in a smooth move she just crawled over to the other corner of his sofa where he leisurely sat with his right arm on the backrest, placed one knee beside his hip, straddled him somehow, pinned him somehow against the cushions, snaked her arms around his neck, buried her fingers in the hair at the back of his head and claimed those tempting lips of his with hers in a seething kiss. In an instant and with just a fragment of no thoughts his hands were in her back and at her sides, grabbing the cloth of her T-shirt, squeezing her bottom and stroking her thigh, his lips answering her kiss with the same unrestricted lust she poured out on him with her entire body. There was no need for her to let her teeth gently ask for permission nibbling at the soft flesh of his bottom lip, she did it anyway though his mouth already automatically had opened for her tongue to invade. Small moans of pleasure quickly filled the room as the gates of her desire opened up to him.

* * *

Then reality struck into Tommy's brain like a flash into a dry tree. Barbara still was under the influence of this drug. Yes, sure, he knew she obviously had fancied him for a while but under normal circumstances she never would have let herself go this far. She was seldom blessing him with tender smiles. So if they would not stop now and continue walking down this dangerous path he truly wanted to go with Barbara it may be just becoming embarrassing for her. As much as he cared for her and wanted her and wanted _this_ , had wanted this for so long even if he had not been sure until this week, he should not let it go too far, or not any further that is. He really should not act on his own deep feelings for this woman, at least not at the moment. She was vulnerable and she was under his protection. He had to end this now, as difficult as it was for him, but right at the moment he was her protector not her lover.

Not yet.

* * *

When Barbara felt his sudden hesitation the wave of unrestrained wantonness ebbed as quickly as it had washed over her. Short flashback effects would come and go for a while, the doctor had said. Now she knew what he had meant. She pushed herself up to get away from her boss but he grabbed her hand and kept her close. This wonderful, desirous kiss had happened and they would work it out, talk it through, try to make it less hard to go on, whatever direction it may take.

Barbara was deep red and embarrassed to the bone about her appetent attack. Tommy's lovingly caring smile was of no great help.

"I'm sorry." She almost choked at her words. "It's just... Sorry, I forgot mys-"

"Ssshh!" Tommy pulled her back close to his chest and allowed her to hide her face in his jumper. "I know, it's the remnants of that drug, Barbara. Don't be ashamed. The doctor told me you would feel the effects for a little while and even when you think the drug's gone there'll be brief moments in which it still kicks in."

His hands drew soothing circles on her back and tender lines up and down her spine while he hugged her and Barbara could not help but quietly start to cry. How could she ever explain _this_? Of course the drug running through her veins was not totally disintegrated yet and she still partly could put the blame on the chemical but actually there was no real need to assault him like that. It really was just a little bit of the drug-induced licentiousness. Most of it was... the truth. Her mind twirled. Of course it was the truth because it had been a truth drug they had given her! Barbara knew she loved her boss and now she also knew that it was one of the worst ideas to stay at his house in this state to have him keep an eye on her tonight. She really should have stayed under the observation of the nurses at hospital. She was an idiot to come here.

* * *

And then Barbara felt him kissing her hair while his warm hands still softly lay on her back. He was not only prolonging their embrace, it looked as if he was turning it into something completely different. Completely gentle. Completely... completing. It was not only sexual attraction or desire, he was hugging her completely tenderly making her feel completely at home. His arms around her felt like he would never want to let her go and she almost could not believe it though she was sure her hallucinations had ended this morning when they had rescued her in the moment before the kidnappers had been about to give her another dose of the drug. Down there in the cold humid cellar she had been too drowsy and too devitalised to fully realise what had been going on around her. The only thing she could remember were the same warm and tender hands on her back she was feeling now, the same familiar smell of Tommy's aftershave she was smelling now, mixed with a still unfamiliar personal smell of his skin when he had held her close like he was holding her close now. She sobbed.

"Barbara?" Tommy whispered. "Barbara, my sweet Barbara..." Softly rocking her he placed another kiss onto the skin in the back of her neck. "You... we shouldn't be ashamed of what just had happened. You know... this..." he stifled a chuckle. "...sultry outbreak, well... it _is_ a truth drug they had injected into your blood stream and..."

Tommy needed a few deep breaths when reality hit him hard with this... truth. Barbara was not only fancying him. She had no simple - or complicated - crush on him. Barbara obviously loved him. Or so he hoped. So very unlike too many women he had come to know Barbara would not just act on sexual desire because there was the opportunity for it coming along by chance and never would she do something like that without having any true feelings hidden under the surface. Not even under the influence of a loosening truth drug. The fact that she had done it right now made the detective come to only one possible solution: deep down inside under layers of prejudices, presumptions, insecurities and objections, Barbara probably loved him. Like he loved her. He had to tell her of his feelings. Every moment going by without having it said aloud would be a wasted moment and life was too short to waste another second.

* * *

"Barbara, I... I love you." he whispered and it made her sob again. With both arms he pulled her even closer into his chest and with relief he felt her arms hesitantly sneaking their way around his waist. "And I'm glad that this kiss had happened, my sweet. I probably would have been a coward until the end of time if you wouldn't have crawled over to my side. Your boldness may have been drug-induced but it only showed the truth. You never should be ashamed of that."

He heard her affirmative hum, a muffled voice murmuring something like "Mmmh... luv ya too!" vibrating through his chest, making his heart burst with joy, and he felt the heat of her breath creeping through the thin cloth of his jumper. Tommy squeezed her reassuringly but Barbara still was not able to face his eyes so he kept on talking softly into her ear.

"What had happened to you in the past days could've been... Oh, I don't even dare to think what else could've happened to you. I was so afraid you'd never return to me. I mean..." Tommy swallowed down the lump in his throat before he went on with his tender voice. It had the palpable effect on Barbara that she was clearly calming down now. Her sobs ebbed. "That sounds selfish, eh? You're in the hands of those kidnappers and all I can think of was that you may never return into _my_ life. Believe me, I was horrified something even worse than what really had happened was going on. Not that I would want to play it down, by no means, my sweet, but I'm so glad they just tried to get the information out of you in a chemical way." He stopped and placed a kiss on her temple. Her face still was hidden in his jumper. "Oh my! I'm talking too much..."

* * *

Only disturbed by small soothing crackles of the burning wood comfortable silence filled the room for a while in which they just laid there on the sofa. The sun had completely set now but Tommy was not caring at all to get up and turn on the lights in the room. He still simply hugged her and it had made Barbara stop sobbing completely. "Is it better now?" Quietly he eventually asked into the darkness but received no answer. The deep regular breathings emerging from the now relaxed woman on his chest then told him that Barbara finally had fallen asleep there. Deeply contented Tommy sighed. They would spend their first night together sleeping fully dressed on his sofa after almost a full week of horror, pain and angst and an unexpected confusing but relieving and very honest way of showing their love for each other. This was so like Barbara, Tommy thought, there probably was no chance of commonly practised romance with her. Chaos and drama. He sensed that a life with her would be all but boring. A lifetime with Barbara - that was what he wanted. Now he knew for sure. It made him smile.

With one hand he fished for the blanket from the backrest and covered them both. Then he wriggled a bit to make himself comfortable with another cushion in his neck and closed his eyes. They probably would be stiff when they wake up but for now he would let sleep take over the healing process. All healing processes.

While he was drifting into sleep with Barbara still lying on top of him Tommy told himself that though life was too short to waste any second tomorrow would be enough time to look out for more truths together. More real and unenforced truths.

* * *

 **.**

* * *

 **.**

* * *

 **A/N:** Actually my mind had started working when I was watching DCI Banks where Annie climbs on Alan's lap and they kissed. I was asking myself what on earth would bring Barbara to climbing on Tommy's lap and kiss him like this...

Thanks for reading.


	2. Sleep

**A/N:** Ah, well, I couldn't keep me from thinking about more ;-) Enjoy the next chapter

* * *

 **.**

 **Sleep**

 **.**

* * *

It was pitch dark when she woke to a certain pressure. Barbara obviously had drunk so much liquid before she fell asleep that she was not able to sleep through the night. That she had drunk such a huge amount of liquid already had come back quickly into her sleepy mind but when she wanted to get up she felt that she was strangely lying on somebody. On someone's body, not on something. He was warm and breathing regularly and she could tell from the soft snoring she heard that he obviously was still asleep. But not very much longer. Carefully she tried to get up.

"Ouch." that somebody sleepily said when she accidentally pushed her elbow into his ribcage. Tommy increased the firmness with which his arm held her in place on his chest. "You won't go anywhere, my sweet. Go back to sleep." he mumbled snuggling his face back into the cushions.

"Tommy, I..." Hearing herself calling him by his name so easily made her stop short. Hearing her saying his name so easily made him wake up completely. Her voice was only a whisper when she continued her explanation. "I need to... use the bathroom..."

He released her from his soft grip because he knew how much she had drunk. Actually he had been the one making sure she did. While she stood Tommy reached over and turned on the small reading lamp next to his sofa. "Please return and promise me you won't call a cab." he softly teased her watching her hurrying out of the room. Then he sat up and stared into the semi-darkness. Every single muscle ached. As much as he loved to have been fallen asleep with Barbara on top he knew that he was too old to continue the night that way. Barbara could sleep in the big bed in his guest room, he decided, and then he would have the sofa for himself which would be much more comfortable, at least for his aching bones. The doors to the hall could be kept open so he would hear her if she had nightmares or other unpredictable aftermaths of the drugs that still were running through her veins. In the corner of his eye he saw that Barbara had returned from the toilet but had stopped in the doorway. Arms crossed in front of her chest she leaned her shoulder against it and watched him. Uncertainty was written all over her face while she mustered his face, searching for his eyes.

Tommy's hand nervously raked through his hair, and he could not suppress a yawn. Her face softened, even she could feel it, but it really was no wonder. She adored this man and with his soft and sleepy eyes that almost winked at her, the tousled hair and his new beard, still short and probably only one week old, she could not call it else than adoringly sexy. Which brought her mind back to what had happened the evening before and so she frowned. It was clearly visible for Tommy that something was if not wrong then certainly different to the moment a few seconds ago.

* * *

"You okay?" Tommy asked with a concerned voice.

Barbara shrugged undecidedly. "My head throbs...?!"

"Any visions?"

She shrugged again and chewed on her lip. "...not sure...?"

Tommy just smiled and made a vague gesture between them and to the sofa where the cushions still were in a muddle. "You mean...?" he softly asked.

"Mh." Vaguely positively nodding Barbara frowned again. This was a weird situation. All she wanted was to hurry back into his arms but actually she was afraid of it all too. Was it a true feeling? Was she still under this loosening drug? Was he serious and not just friendly? Or worse, was he just taking advantage? Although she banned that ridiculous thought immediately Barbara still was unsure if the kiss had happened anyway.

His smile turned even broader. "This is no hallucination, Barbara. It _had_ happened." Silence hovered in the room when he paused and they just stared at each other. One trying to reassure the other and the other trying to believe it, to trust him, to trust herself. Words returned to her mind, words they had said in the evening and her eyes grew wider just a little bit. Tommy noticed so now he nodded. "Yah, and we've said it."

The uncertainty was so overpowering it made Barbara stay rooted in the doorway. It must have been written in her face because Tommy patted on the empty space on the sofa and nodded again. "Please, come here." he whispered and when she - still slightly hesitating - finally followed his invitation and sat down right next to him, only cautiously touching his side, he put an arm around her shoulder and hugged her softly.

"I've meant it." Whispering lips placed a gentle kiss on her temple then he rested his head on hers. For a while in which Barbara almost did not dare move an inch they both sat in silence and dwelled on their own thoughts. When she yawned he gave her shoulder another squeeze and got up. "You still need more liquid before you get back to sleep. C'mon, to the kitchen." Tommy held out a hand to pull her up from the cushions and she took it.

* * *

Watching him going around and pouring her a glass of water after he had switched on the kettle Barbara sat at the table. She shivered. Feeling cold was another predicted effect during the process of her body trying to get rid of the poison in its veins. Without a word Tommy went and came back with the still warm blanket which he attentively put around her small frame. His hands rested on her shoulders for a while but he just kept standing behind her until Barbara placed her hand on his and whispered a soft "Thank you!" In that moment the kettle pinged so Tommy just gave her shoulders a squeeze, then went to make her a cup of hot salty broth. "You need some minerals, too." he declared.

His back was propped against the worktop while he watched her drinking and warming her hands at the hot cup. Barbara looked lost. Fear still was written in her face and she hardly looked at him. Her eyes were small and red and he could tell that she was extremely tired and worn out and probably had shared some tears while she was in the bathroom.

"You need to sleep, Barbara." She looked up with a jolt and big fearful eyes suddenly pained his soul so he immediately felt he had said something wrong. He could not know where she had heard those exact words before. Barbara fiercely tried to rationalise it into her muddy brain. He could not know that this was exactly what the kidnapper had said to her right before he had given her a severe dose of a sedative injection. But this was not the kidnapper. This was Tommy, her rescuer. Tommy, her boss, her friend, her- Barbara sighed and allowed herself to continue the thought that had sneaked into her mind. Tommy was the love of her life. Tommy smiled seeing her face soften again. "Only if you want to, of course." he explained. "But it would be best to get rid of the truth drug and to lessen the pain in your head. You could use the guest room and we could leave the doors open."

" 'kay." Barbara mumbled swallowing down the last remains of the salty broth.

* * *

"Oh, bother!" Tommy suddenly swore. He knew he had missed something. Before he had abandoned everything to put all concentration onto finding Barbara he had interior decorators start to renovate his master bedroom, so right at the moment he was sleeping in the guest room. The bed was made but it was his and he had not yet changed the sheets. How could he have known he would have an overnight guest? He told her of the misery. "Umm, if you have a moment I'll change the sheets for you. Oh, and you can have one of my pyjamas if you'd want to get rid of the jogging suit."

"No! No, it will do." Barbara stopped him. "The sheets, I mean. It's okay. I just want to sleep." She lopsidedly smiled while he put out some dark green sleep wear for her and fished for his own pyjama from under the duvet. Patiently he had waited for her to come back from the bathroom. Of course he quickly had changed into his own deep red pyjamas. They met in the hall.

"Are you really okay with it?" Barbara nodded. "Okay. I'm on the other side of the hall. Leave the door open so I can hear you. If you need something just call, will you?"

Barbara nodded. "Ta."

"Oh, and Barbara?" she turned back to him and found him standing right in front of her with an earnest smile. "Sleep well."

When Tommy bent down Barbara involuntarily straightened up and met his lips halfway in a brief but tender kiss.

"You too." she whispered blushing but answering his happy face with the slightest of smiles.

Tommy went back to his sofa and turned off the lamp. Of course he could not go back to sleep with things, or better, with Barbara running through his mind and with his ears listening if something would sound strange in his guest room.

Barbara was thankful that she could sleep in a bed with a soft mattress, cosy pillows and a cuddly duvet. She quickly drifted into something like sleep only to wake up immediately to her memories wandering back into the cold and humid cellar, screening horrid pictures into her mind. For a while she tossed and turned, trembling when she closed her eyes and when tiredness overpowered her into a restless semi-sleep and nervous when she was fully awake every now and then and could smell Tommy on everything that surrounded her. The bad thing was he was in the other room, probably asleep now, unaware of her traumatic flashbacks. She took a sip of the water on the night stand and plonked back into the pillows with a capitulating thud. A few tears silently escaped her eyes.

"Everything ok?" she heard him whisper and could not decide if she should answer or pretend she was asleep.

"Hmmm." She breathed hoping he had not heard her. She also hoped he _had_ heard her. Barbara swallowed down a sob. The last thing she wanted was his pity though she really would want him to give her solace. Everything she felt was jumbled.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Staying where he was he still loudly whispered across the hall.

"Everything's just fine." she whispered. He could come over to her, everything smelled of him anyway.

"You sure?" Barbara realised that she had thought aloud. She deeply inhaled before she answered.

"I could do with a friendly human being right next to me. A little steady snore would be helpful, I think. Actually I can't find sleep." Like she usually did she overplayed her uncertainties with witty remarks.

It was seconds later when she heard him whispering right into her ear. "I thought as much. But I'm here, my sweet, just try to get some." It was only a bit awkward out of its strangeness when he slipped under the duvet on the other side of the bed. Without any touches they lay there, Tommy noise- and motionless, Barbara restless. Against the dim lights in the other room he could see her trembling silhouette so he opened his arm and simply said that he was there. His gesture was very much appreciated by Barbara who came closer almost without any hesitation. Tentatively she placed her hand on his chest and her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

In an instant she was asleep.

* * *

 **.**

* * *

 **.**


	3. The Doctors

**A/N:** For all those who wonder why Barbara was kidnapped: So do I. I have no idea. This story has started when I had thought about a certain scene in another TV show [see notes at the end of chapter 1] and it was just a one-shot, then became a two-shot and now it is a three-shot. I just had more ideas about how it might go on and not about what happened first. Maybe one day I even have an idea about that (like I had with Who Cares, Book I, that had started as a one-shot too) but please don't expect it. Thank you.

Now here's how I _unexpectedly_ thought it went on. Enjoy...

* * *

 **.**

 **The Doctors**

 **.**

* * *

Of course it was his bloody mobile that kicked him out of bed.

He had spent the night next to her, lying awake from time to time and listening to her steady breathing. He had cuddled closer again when they had shifted too far apart in their sleep just to feel her warmth and to let her feel in her sleep that she was not alone. He had rocked her back into blissful oblivion after she had woken just enough to sleepily confirm his concerned question if she had been having a nightmare. At about 7:30, he had checked it on his alarm clock, he had woken and had not been able to go back to sleep anymore so he just had enjoyed the feeling of her trusting arms around his waist, her excitingly bold knee between his legs and her warm breath on his chest until he heard the increasing ringtone of his mobile. Carefully Tommy wriggled himself free from her limbs and with a sigh left Barbara lying there. She needed her sleep and he was going to answer the call in the hall.

"Yah? Lynley?" he almost whispered.

"Morning, Tommy. Did I wake you up?" It was Chief Super Intendent Barlow asking how they were. Barlow had learned from the hospital staff that Barbara was entrusted to Tommy's care.

"She's still sleeping in my guest room." That even was no lie although the Chief Super did not need to know that his DI had slept in the same bed. "I think she will be fine soon."

They agreed on Tommy having a day or two off so he could accompany DS Havers to the doctor and, even more important, to a psychiatrist. After her abduction Barbara would be on gardening leave for a while anyway. That settled Tommy went to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast. Though he had not disturbed her sleep directly he believed she would not sleep too much longer according to the difficulties she had been having yesterday when she was in bed without him. Humming a happy melody Tommy smiled to himself at the wonderful memory of the sleeping woman in his arms. He looked forward to the near future when Barbara would be over the worst and he would be able to extend his cautious advances.

* * *

At first he did not realise that he was not alone there anymore. After paying a visit to the toilet and taking some of the painkillers the doctor had given her against the predicted hangover Barbara had stood in the doorway for some minutes watching him going around and handling kitchen things smoothly and as if he was used to cook. Obviously he was not doing it for the first time - something she never would have thought of his posh Lordship. That he still was in his pyjamas and with thick woollen socks instead of proper scuffs only added to the wonderful view. And he had not even cared to properly pull out his left trousers leg. Not to mention the still unkempt hair and his soft short beard with those clearly visible grey streaks. She knew how soft it felt because she had secretly stroked it at night when she was lying there awake for a while and knew Tommy was asleep because of his quiet snoring. All in all he had a cosy domestic appearance and she loved it. She had only spent one single night here and she already felt at home. It would be a wonderful experience to live with him.

Wondering for how long it would be Barbara was glad that she obviously had him at the moment. He probably would take back his words at proper daylight or tomorrow and explain that and how she had misinterpreted it but for now she just loved to think of herself as his girlfriend. He was the one who had freed her from the cellar. He was the one who had brought her up the stairs and into the warm morning sun. He was the one who had stayed at her side when she had been brought to hospital. And he was the one who had cared for her in the evening, had made her dinner, had made sure she was drinking gallons of water, had made sure she was not making a complete fool of herself when she had assaulted him with a desperate kiss. But he also was the one who had said he loved her and he was the only one with whom she had been able to fall asleep tonight. All that and the fact that he had been 'the one' for years made her body tingle with a deep loving feeling and again she remembered: he was the one who had said he loved her. And she could drown in his affectionately smiling eyes.

* * *

"Earth to Barbara?" She was not aware they had looked into each other's eyes for a while now. Obviously he already had talked to her.

"Sorry, what?" she stuttered. "...mornin', Sir."

"Good morning, sleepy head." Tommy held up the pan and the egg box. "Scrambled or fried?" He still smiled at her though he had to fight the urge to ask her to call him Tommy again. Throwing away the pan and the egg box just to pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless probably would be another bad option at the moment. Although he really would have loved to just that. The barefooted woman in his big pyjamas looked utterly adorable.

"Fried, please."

"Fried it is then. You take a seat and I take care of our breakfast."

Before he sat down opposite of Barbara Tommy placed a plate in front of her and then took her hand to give it a soft kiss with, even Barbara could not describe it otherwise, a concerned but loving look. Tears of happy anxiety formed in her eyes. Her feelings still were jumbled up but she swallowed hard and washed the tears down with a big sip of water.

* * *

During breakfast there mostly was silence. Ignoring what was going on between them they eventually talked about the forthcoming day. Barbara had another doctor's appointment to check her physics but what was more important to Tommy was that she had to see the police's own psycho therapist. Barbara of course was not at all happy about it and fiercely objected.

"I won't go to the bloody headshrinker."

Tommy smiled understanding her. "You should, Barbara. It really helps."

"Yah, as if you'd know. Have you met one yet?" Barbara derisively snorted.

"Actually yes." he nodded. "After Helen was shot."

This was completely new to Barbara and she could not quite believe it. "How often? Once?"

"Well, after I've had enough of walking the Cornish Coast Path I've returned to London but the Service wouldn't let me return to work without having seen a psycho therapist. Something like this probably could happen to you too." Barbara blanched at that. She loved her job, she never could lose it, and it was not just the money. "So I went to the psycho and I've had the acquired three sessions plus one."

Remembering his sessions with the doctor Tommy paused and then took Barbara's hand. The look she gave him was more than unbelieving. Giving her hand a gentle squeeze he continued. "And she just didn't order me to come more often because I've told her of you."

"Me?"

"Well, the _headshrinker_..." Tommy winked. "...has said, that because you seem to be the closest, most loyal, most loving and most caring friend I have, I should talk with you too."

"Yah, but you haven't." Barbara thought of all the times she just sat with Tommy and looked into pints or across landscapes after Helen's death and his return to the Met. He really had not told her much of his thoughts, they just had exchanged a few words on that topic so Barbara had had to guess most of what he had felt.

"I have. Admittedly not much, but I sensed it wasn't necessary. You understood without many words."

Barbara's facial expression let Tommy prepare for an accusation. He was right. "I would have understood better if you would've said more, Sir." The flashing memory of a kiss and his arms around her made her correct it quietly. It also made her features return to the tenderness she actually was feeling for him, talking or not. "Tommy..."

His hand met hers again. "I know and I'm sorry for that. But I couldn't pour out my heart to you because... I wasn't sure how you would react when I tell you that I had the feeling that I've lost only a good friend and not my beloved wife. I obviously haven't lost the woman I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Helen obviously wasn't that woman." Barbara received a look from him that was between pain and love. "And I wasn't completely sure about the other feelings I harboured. Wasn't sure how you would react if I'd told you the whole truth..."

Barbara swallowed and feared that Tommy would give a speech about his love for her. She would not be able to bear it now but fortunately he just looked at her love-struck and whispered "I'll tell you one day."

After a few more bites Tommy added munching that if she would want it he would come with her to her doctors.

"I would appreciate that." She blushed a bit when she added with a shy smile "Very much so."

* * *

After the doctor at the hospital had examined her physical state and the main vital functions Tommy waited with Barbara for the blood test results. He brought her one of those awful hospital teas and made jokes about it trying to relax her. Her body was weakened and affected but her brain was not irreversibly harmed so there was no need to fear the blood test results would say something different. Of course Tommy knew that Barbara mainly was afraid of the meeting with the psychologist afterwards.

Soon the MD came back with a sheet of paper. He was quite surprised that she had coped so well with the unhealthy conditions throughout that week and also with the aftermath and that her body obviously had reduced the poison quicker than he had thought. "According to the huge amount of sleeping drugs and truth serum they had injected you. You're lucky to have survived that overdose of sleeping drugs anyway but you need rest and recreation. So not too much physical exercises tonight." he had added with a wink towards Tommy who still was holding Barbara's hand and both blushed.

Sometimes medical doctors could be a bit straightforward.

* * *

For their quiet lunch they had chosen a quiet pub where the colleagues from their team surely would not show up and afterwards Tommy drove her to the 'headshrinker' despite Barbara's reassurance that she would be fine.

Of course she was everything but fine. There on the comfortable armchair - Barbara had declined to lie down on the clichéd couch - Dr Jones started the interview with letting Barbara talk about the incident. She told every fact in chronological order and the doctor threw in just a few questions until it became a bit deeper and finally the patient closed up. Barbara became objective and carefully avoided talking about her personal feelings but the psychiatrist would not have been a psychiatrist if she had not known how to make the detective open up to her emotions again.

At one point Barbara could not hide her affection towards her boss and rescuer when Dr Jones carefully had steered the conversation to what might have been the ray of hope during the abduction and to caring friends after it. In the doctor's opinion the best healing process was with professional help and a bunch of caring or even loving friends. Close to the end of the session, when they already had agreed on the next appointment she understood that Barbara was talking about the man who was sitting outside. Blushing Barbara nodded.

"And does he answer your feelings?"

"I don't know. Yes, I think, somehow... I don't really know at the moment, everything in my head is a bit tumultuous and I don't really know which feelings I can trust."

"Understandable. So shall we let him join us? Eventually you will be... well, you _have_ to talk with him anyway and I'm sure that this is what you would like to do."

The reception assistant bid Tommy to go into the doctor's office and it was quite some surprise for Dr Jones to see who he actually was. She already knew him from some sessions a few years ago.

In the moment when the DI entered the room Dr Jones immediately knew that there was a strong bond between him and Barbara who visibly relaxed and radiated trust and hope only by seeing him. It only had to enter her head but the doctor was sure that this only was a question of time and that Barbara, with Tommy's loving help, would manage the traumatic aftermath of her abduction.

* * *

 **.**

* * *

 **...**

* * *

 **A/N:** Exactly. This time there are the three little dots that announce another chapter. While I wrote this the ideas flooded into my head (no, sorry, I still don't know more of the abduction) so there obviously will be a fourth chapter but it is still in the making, so please be patient ;-)

And don't be too lazy to leave a review! *winks* Thanks in advance.


	4. Alive

**A/N:** I still have no idea about the abduction. Why don't you just let your own mind run instead?

Because you wouldn't want to read how horrible it was for Barbara when she came home after a long day of work and a stressful detour to the megastore, when she was pushed into that van after a short struggle with three people, how she was given a sedative right there and only woke up the next day in a dark, cold and humid cellar, on a thin mattress with just an old rug, too less to eat, to drink and daily injections of a truth drug and more sedatives. You wouldn't want to read how she was interviewed multiple times a day although she had lost the feeling for time. She also was on the verge of losing hope - and you really wouldn't want to read of it.

You also wouldn't want to read of how her colleagues started to worry the next morning, how Tommy was on alert when she had not yet shown up when it had turned ten, when she had not answered a single one of his first cheeky, then angry, and later concerned text messages. You don't want to read something where she didn't answer her phone, or doorbell or calls through the door. You wouldn't want to witness how they broke into her flat, how they wondered about the three big plastic bags with her weekly shopping - pizza defrosted, ice-cream melted, beer warm - or how they wondered that she was not there but her phone and her car keys and her coat on the hook - and the keys to her flat.

Nobody would want to read dramatic stories how Tommy and Winston and even Lafferty worked hard trying to figure out which old case she had been on, which lead she was following, what she knew, what could have happened, why it could have happened. Nobody wants to read about how to live through days of pain and fear and loneliness, nobody wants to read about how he drank himself into oblivion after three days without a single sign or even a hint of Barbara, only to go back into office the next day with a hell of a hangover, after too less restless sleep, still not having shaved at all because a quick shower would be all he allowed himself to enjoy. You would not want to learn that Tommy had eaten too less and too unhealthy and too seldom because he couldn't swallow down a thing, because everything he ate tasted like cardboard.

No, you would _not_ want to read that. You probably may want to read how the squad team got into the house where Barbara was held hostage, how Tommy ran down the stairs, how he brought her into the world's most beautiful sunrays of the morning, or how he had stayed at her side the entire day until that kiss in the first chapter. That would be lovely; all the more with the dark story before. Yep, you might be right. But for working out such an entire novel I'm actually too busy with other things like working for a living for example ;-)

And I still believe you really wouldn't want to read of going through anything like what had happened before that kiss.

Just enjoy that they still are...

* * *

 **.**

 **Alive**

 **.**

* * *

In the late afternoon Barbara and Tommy returned to his house. The mood was lighter than before since Barbara had talked away some of her painful memories with the psychiatrist but Tommy never would have mentioned that he had told her so. Instead he just showed his happiness about the day and small signs of affection towards his stubborn sergeant.

A few advices also were given to him by Dr Jones when Barbara was distracted at the reception assistance's desk making the next appointment. She had said: "Have an eye on Ms Havers for the next few days. Give her space and time to process the abduction; give her space and time to explore her feelings for you. I've seen and heard that this is a new experience for both of you, but since _she_ is the one with the traumatic incident _you_ are the one to be strong. She trusts you, so be loving but be patient. You will work it out." Tommy was indeed going to heed her counsel.

Over hot cocoa and Scottish shortbread, something he knew Barbara loved, they light heartedly talked about the funny fact that they now shared the same 'headshrinker' and what would be on TV tonight. It distracted her a bit from the next obligation.

Before they both payed the short recommended visit to Scotland Yard Tommy had made sure that Winston had ushered their colleagues out of the office because the least Barbara could deal with were sneaky and hurting questions. Most of all he feared that some would show too much pity for her which only would make her uncomfortable and retreat back into her usual shell.

Tommy's hand protectively lay on her shoulder while they talked with the constable and Nkata immediately knew that something had happened between them. Honestly happy he told her that it was good to see her back but she should take some days off. "I don't want to see you here for the next seven days, Barb! At least! Go and relax, and let him care for you." Those last words were whispered into her ear when Winnie hugged her goodbye.

"I definitely will." A shy and cheeky smile had appeared in her face. She boldly took Tommy's hand and made Winnie moan in mock annoyance when he saw the look she laid on the Inspector.

* * *

Barbara mainly was relaxed and obviously felt not at all patronised by him gently guiding her through the doors with his hand in the small of her back and with his supporting and protecting arm around her shoulders in the upper office so the brief meeting with their Chief Super Intendent and the Commissioner went by without too much awkwardness or painful questions. Their superiors only had wanted to make sure she would be able to deal with the situation and they all agreed on a few more days off for both.

Back in the car park Tommy and Barbara got into his Bristol. "Any more errands to run or are you finished? Where shall I take you now?"

"Home." A deep sigh demonstrated that Barbara was exhausted.

"Yours or mine?" His question made her blush and avert her eyes. She did not want to return to her own home too soon. Everything she needed was at Tommy's house too since he had fetched her emergency overnight bag from her flat earlier today and she was not yet ready to face the place where the horrible crime had started. She also was not yet ready to face a night on her own there. And she wanted to be again with Tommy tonight.

He had watched her close in those few reflective moments and hoped he had read her expressions correctly.

"Ok, mine it is?" he smiled and started the engine.

"Only if you don't mind, of course." Barbara said when they passed the gate. Her shy embarrassment was palpable so Tommy stroked her hand constantly keeping his eyes on the road ahead.

"Oh, Barbara..." he said low. "Hey, I really would love to care for you. I... I actually feel better when I know you're safe with me, when I have you around me and... I really love to have you around me, I'd be happy when I can be with you."

Those words Barbara really wanted to believe. She wanted to believe that Tommy wanted to be with her forever. Her mind wandered into a perfect world where he actually could have her in his entire life. A perfect world where he would love her for the rest of time being and live happily ever after. Probably that would remain a dream and so she sighed again.

* * *

Actually Tommy had meant what he had said and he had meant it not only for now but for ever. The current situation though was that he had to keep a certain distance between them despite the fact that some mutual and obviously very impatient feelings already had shown up yesterday when Barbara had assaulted him with that wonderful and desperate kiss and Tommy could not deny that he was glad that they had offered their emotions towards the other - truth drug affected or not. But what Barbara needed now was a friend, not a lover. Tommy wanted to be this friend.

And the lover.

He sighed because he hoped that Barbara also wanted a loving, caring man and he truly wanted to be that man for her but of course everything he would say now would be understood as said under the influence of the previous week. Space and time was on the agenda. On the other hand the previous week only had let his deep feelings come to the surface, had let him see clear that all he wanted was to be with her for the rest of his life. He needed to tell her.

"Yah, actually I mean it. I really want to be with you, Barbara." Ignoring the angry driver behind him Tommy stopped his car at the kerb. An unfamiliar diffidence came over him that kept him from looking her at first. "Are you okay with this?"

Hoping for a positive answer Tommy then turned to Barbara and gave her a serious smile that somehow asked for her permission to step into her life. It had to be her decision.

Everything in Barbara's head jumped around in turmoil and tried to figure out how she could tell him that all she had wanted for the last six years had been to be with him. With a shy smile she cautiously covered his hand that lay on the gear stick, nodding without a word but not daring to say a clear yes yet.

"You should drive on, Sir, or the hooter behind us will call for the police." Her eyes returned to the view out of the front window when she quietly added "Of course I am okay with this."

Driving on Tommy broadly grinned. Now he only had to make her stop calling him Sir. "Can we also agree on the fact that my parents had named me Tommy and not Sir?"

"Of course... Sir." She made him grin even broader.

"You're becoming cheeky again. That's wonderful, my sweet. It means you're on the road to recovery."

* * *

At his house he helped her off with her jacket and led her into the kitchen where he almost forced her into drinking more water. Together they cooked a simple dinner. Tommy knew that one of her favourites was bangers and mash, soaked with gravy and covered with tomato ketchup so that was what he had bought when they briefly had stopped at the supermarket. Everything should be as comfortable and relaxing as it could be for Barbara. It also meant they would spend the evening on his sofa watching some trash TV and avoiding the fact that Barbara would prefer a beer instead of still water and tea.

Not too close they sat on the sofa in front of the telly. It showed a light entertaining film about a family moving to Yorkshire and beginning a new life running a farm - beautiful scenery porn, sweet cuddly animals, the adventurous dramas in the children's life. With this innocent and not at all stressful film it was easy for Barbara to move a bit closer to Tommy. When their hands accidentally brushed she shyly stroked his fingers keeping her eyes on the screen so he took her hand firmly in his to demonstrate his approval. For a while they just held hands until Tommy moved a bit closer too and their arms twisted, fingers still entwined.

When she lifted her legs onto the sofa and under the blanket leaning into Tommy's side his arm went around her and she could feel his warm hand on her waist. If he was aware of what he was doing or not did not matter to Barbara. It just was cosy and exciting at once - especially when his hand slowly wandered up and down her side and stopped only right under her breast. For minutes both kept that position. A heart-warming candle light dinner somewhere in the fields on the screen made her feel the intense proximity to the man next to her. It gave her a warm feeling of being loved. A wonderful, deep feeling she wanted to keep as long as possible and maybe even deepen it so she also laid her head onto his shoulder. She could have stayed that way until tomorrow. Or until the end of time. She did not care about anything else right at that moment. She simply felt perfectly, enjoyably at peace.

* * *

Not much later her hand boldly placed itself on his belly. His thumb already was gently touching the underside of her breast. When Tommy tenderly and almost as if his mind had been absent - which it absolutely was not - had stroked her side he accidentally had reached this spot and his hand had frozen there. A slight fear that he was too bold came over him and he preferred to keep them both as relaxed as they were at the moment watching TV. The dull film though was the least he had his mind on.

Although her eyes still were open Barbara was not really watching the film anymore too. All her concentration was turned to the man next to her. She moved her fingertips just a little bit across his stomach. She could pretend that it was as absentminded as his hand's gentleness obviously was. Both in fact were not.

"You're not watching this film anymore, are you?" Tommy croaked.

Barbara only could breathe. "Mh... no..."

"Me neither."

"I can feel it." She leaned a bit more into his hand that meanwhile was covering her breast. Being busy with focussing on just feeling Barbara's body against his Tommy had not been aware where his hand actually had moved to. A silent pause ensued. Sensing his hand stiffen and probably avoiding to give her breast a soft squeeze, what she in fact would have loved to feel, what _he_ would have loved to do, and feeling his chest next to her cheek heaving with a deep breath Barbara held hers.

His hooked finger felt no resistance at all when Tommy turned her face up to his and the softest voice she ever had heard told her that he had a much better idea. They just looked at each other for a timeless moment. He was allowed to look straight into her soul and even if her longing eyes would not have darted between his lips and his eyes he would have known that Barbara would not object kissing.

"Which is...?" She almost choked on her words before he switched off TV, pulled her closer and slowly bent down to her face to kiss her. Shortly before their lips met Barbara closed her eyes. Tommy cursed space and time to hell. Space and time were non-existent anyway. This moment was the right moment. He knew it. She wanted it. They let it happen.

Having all the time of the world they tasted the softness of the other's lips until he felt her hand in his neck holding him in place and burying her fingers in his hair. Her lips eventually parted and their tongues met. It was a long soft and tender kiss with no hurry at all and although Tommy somehow had initiated it he let her dictate the depth and pace of their tender exploration.

* * *

That is until he felt a wetness in his face that he knew was coming from tears. Barbara was silently crying onto his cheeks. He had to stop kissing. He had to stop her tears. Reluctantly she let him move his face a bit away so only their foreheads still were touching. They did not say a word. Tommy just wiped her wet cheek with his thumb, then tried to kiss away her tears.

"Please stop crying, my sweet." he whispered.

Still and again overwhelmed by a bunch of different feelings Barbara hesitantly started to tell him of her fears and emotions she had had while held as a hostage in that cold cellar. "I almost gave up hope." she finished after blowing her nose with his offered handkerchief. "All the time I only could think of _you_! As drugged as I was there always was the image of _you_ in the back of my blurry head." She sobbed again. "And then I almost lost my faith when the time went by without anybody rescuing me. I almost gave up hoping you'd find me and I thought I'd die in that dark hole without seeing you once more."

Tommy almost started to cry too. "I never would have stopped searching for you, Barbara." he declared. "And if it would have been for the rest of my life."

"All the time I had to tell myself... I had to force myself every morning, or what I thought being a morning, to believe that they could hold me hostage as long as they want but I should not die down there. I won't die without..." Barbara's voice had turned into a whisper while her fingertips tenderly graced his lips. Before she continued she deeply inhaled. "...without getting to know how it tastes to kiss you."

* * *

They kissed again, deep and longing and reassuring that the horrid days were over. Her lips were even a bit more demanding than before, almost desperate and hungry, and her hands became bolder on his chest and around his waist. Barbara pulled him into her and made clear what she wanted. Though it was _her_ pace Tommy had to stop it again. He feared it was not right what they were doing. It may still be too early for this.

"I shouldn't..." he swallowed. Certainly he wanted to go on kissing her, certainly he wanted her close to him, certainly he wanted her, wanted to make love to her right now but he was not really sure if it was the right thing right now. "Don't get me wrong, Barbara, I really want-" Tommy stopped short as if he was afraid to say it and he actually was a bit. "...but I feel as if I'm taking advantage of... of your current... vulnerability."

His words only convinced her that all this was right and what happened at the moment exactly what she wanted. "I want you to take that advantage." she fervently made clear.

Barbara encouraged him so again their lips met in a deep kiss but again Tommy broke the contact. He was as breathless like she was. "Seriously, I should-"

"Please don't make us stop here!" Barbara pleaded and with all the courage she could muster she told him what she wanted in clear words. "Please make love to me."

His eyes went dark with desire but he still had to ask. "Are you sure?"

"Never been more sure."

"And you're really-" His words were silenced by Barbara pressing herself up against him and giving him such a fierce kiss that left no room for speculations about the seriousness of her words. Her tongue invaded his mouth, her hands grabbed the hair in the back of his head and her arms pulled him down with her. When Barbara finally broke the kiss both were heavily panting. Tommy supported his weight with his arms but she still pulled him down on her.

"I want you. I need you." she breathlessly said between short kisses. "I need you to make me feel that I'm still alive, Tommy!"

* * *

"Not here!" Finally without further words Tommy stood, scooped Barbara up in his arms and carried her to the bed in his guest room where they learned together throughout the entire night how very much alive both still were.

* * *

 **.**

* * *

 **.**

* * *

 **A/N:** Yep, this is it. Everything that follows wouldn't be T-rated anymore ;-)

Thanks for all your past and (hopefully) future reviews!

Tess


End file.
